An episode from the pages of my life

A true incident from the pages of my life.

On a summer day in 1995, during one of the dance practice sessions, my teacher gave us some yoga and dance poses to try. In dance, especially when you depict Gods and Goddesses, the pose and the hastas (hand gestures) have to be perfect. Each of us took turns to do the poses and my teacher kept correcting wherever the pose needed enhancement. After allotting few poses to each of us, she began the elimination. She asked the few us who did the poses correctly to step aside while the rest of the class was dispersed. Then came the googly. She asked us to do splits. Only 3 of us did perfect splits. She then told us 3 girls to lift one leg above the head standing. We were perplexed. She said we can hold the toes and lift. That was a little relief. We all tried and to my surprise I succeeded in this test with flying colours. She told me I needed to practise consistently to one day be able to do it perfectly. She eventually explained her concept to us - the mega project Shivathathuvam based on the Thandavas of Lord Shiva. We were excited about the theme because nobody in the dance fraternity had attempted this project then. We were called for intense practise sessions everyday. Somedays it was a solo sessions too. And in a few weeks the dance project started taking shape. The Thandavam that I was supposed to perform was Urdhva Thandavam which represents the competition between Lord Shiva and his consort Parvati to establish who is greater. According to legend, Shiva drops his earring on the floor while dancing and with his leg he sweeps it and lifts his leg above the head. Parvati being a women, felt ashamed as she is not supposed to lift the leg above her head. Had to portray Shiva and at the end of the dance, lift my leg. It was not a simple task because the pose was to be done for a good 15 seconds after an intense dance. By August the entire dance choreography was complete and other production works related to costumes, stage, orchestra, light, make-up were organised. Invitations were printed and sent. The D-day arrived.

October 18, 1995!

A mega dance event Shivathathuvam portraying the Saptha Thandavas (7 Thandavas) of Shiva, based on Hindu mythology, was transpired. Dignitaries were seated in their seats and the whole audience were rapt in attention, enjoying the performance. My anxiety was at its peak and the self doubt over powered my confidence and there... I lifted my leg... stood there for just about a second and dropped my leg immediately. Alas, what a flop show! I was depressed because I had disappointed my teacher after all those intense practice sessions. And what was worse, my teacher never shouted at me or told me anything about the dance. In fact, she remained silent and didn't ever utter a word. There was some eeriness to this silence.

Months passed and the next performance happened in the Prestigious Chidambaram Natyanjali festival on March 8, 1996. It was the same dance and a chance for me to redeem my worth, to be vindicated yet it was another failure. I was dancing in the hall of shame. For a few days I was totally devastated because my teacher had lost confidence in me. She had even asked one of my friends to practice the pose. I was upset but I hadn't lost faith yet. I'm not a person who gives up easily. I started to analyse why I couldn't do the pose and in a jiffy I got the answer. I had trusted my fear over my will power. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm not a quitter. So every morning at 4:30 I used to get up, go to my terrace and used to workout intensely. Towards the end of the workout I used to do 200 skips and immediately try the pose. Because the dance had intense steps and I felt skipping would simulate this. Every day I practiced and it was reflected during my sessions at dance class too and finally my Guru felt I could do it. On August 9, 1996, the same dance event happened at Pollachi Tamizh Isai Sangam. And it was time to finally prove myself. But this time, it was different, I was more confident and I felt like I had taken Felix Felicis(Liquid luck - potion from Harry Potter). After the intense and competitive dance I stood there for a whole 1 and 1/2 minutes. My Guru was awestruck and the whole Orchestra and my dance team were lost for words and the audience were rapt in complete silence. I finally danced my way to the Hall of fame.

Never trust your fears. They don't know your strength.

A lesson learned from my life.

It will hurt.

It will take time.

It will require dedication.

It will require will power.

You will need to make healthy decisions.

It requires sacrifice.

You need to push your body to its max.

There will be temptation.

But I promise you, when you reach your goal, it's worth it.